5 Steps to Appreciating Your Wife

How to Appreciate Your Wife

This seems like a pretty simple topic right? You’re probably thinking, “Surely there must be a million posts, pins, blogs, etc. written about this topic." At least that’s what I thought. After all, appreciation is a huge part of maintaining a relationship. However, tonight, while working on the Pinterest board “Don’t Forget about Being Husband and Wife” on Seaside Doula’s Pinterest page, I searched the topic.  I was flabbergasted by the results of that search. They went like this:

  • “10 Things to Say to Your Husband When Marriage is Hard”
  • “103 Words of Affirmation Every Husband Wants to Hear”
  • “Things Your Husband Longs to Hear from You”
  • “31 Days of Respecting My Husband”

& my personal favorite…

  • “Show Love to Your Wife and You Will Be Treated Like a King”

So I reworded my phrase over and over again. I tried “Appreciating Your Wife”, “Showing Your Wife Appreciation” and simply “Appreciate Wife.” Surely I must be typing something wrong. How could I be missing my mark so terribly? How could this essential topic be one that was completely disregarded? Alas, I couldn’t find a single pin about showing your wife appreciation. So gentlemen, I’m going to do you a favor. Here is your simple guide to showing your wife appreciation. You’re welcome! (Here are the basic steps, but I’ve written the details to apply to the new mom. It’s kind of what I do.)

Step 1: Learn your wife’s love language! Showing her appreciation in your way will do no good, if it’s not the way she receives love. For example, if her LL is Words of Affirmation, but yours is Acts of Service, doing all the dishes in the world will pale in comparison to a thoughtful note left for her to find at some point in her day. You can take a quick quiz here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ . If you do only one step, do this.

Step 2. Appreciate her time. What does this look like? Give her 20 minutes of uninterrupted time in the morning to drink a hot cup of coffee. Leave work on time, or even early a day or two, and pick up the kids from daycare or school. Skip the gym, grab the kids and pick up dinner while she naps, or showers in peace. By placing value on your partner’s time, you are showing her that you value her as a person.

Step 3. Respect her interests. Whether her interests are how often your newborn nursed and pooped today, the latest gossip and drama, or her new found love for babywearing carriers, pay attention when she speaks about them. If her interests include working out, local mommy play dates, or the next breastfeeding support group, when she talks about them, pay attention. If her interests include a new found passion for the possibilities of a new career, listen. Show true interest, show her you are listening to her by spending 5 minutes while you’re in the bathroom pooping to look up the things she’s been talking about so you can give her some input. This will show her that you are still invested in her and you didn’t actually zone completely out when she was talking. 

Step 4. Praise her for her work with your children. This seems like a no brainer. BUT most moms don’t even realize that they want this, that they NEED this. Did your son learn a new word? “You’re doing such a great job with him babe! He’s getting so smart because of all the work you’re doing with him!” You get the point. This step is so basic but will go light years in your relationship with your wife.

Step 5. Prioritize her needs. Be her cheerleader. Why is this under “prioritize her needs”?  As a new mom, there is nothing you need more than someone in your corner having your back. Stand up for her; to your family, to your friends, and to the complete stranger that feels they know what’s best for your family. There is nothing that shows your wife you appreciate her more than a united front!

There you go. So simple right? Well no, it’s absolutely not simple. Appreciation takes time and effort and selflessness. But is it worth it? Absolutely. Your children deserve an appreciated mother. Your wife deserves an appreciative husband. The husband, yes, also deserves to be appreciated. If you want to know about that, search for it on Pinterest. You’ll find more than enough pins to guide you through that process.